I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
