Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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