I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
