he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
