i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She even gives head with a lisp.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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