Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
