It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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