I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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