Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just tell him i said nine months
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
