I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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