Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
