Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
