Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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