she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
