Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Randomize
