Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
