You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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