You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
