She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
