i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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