I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
