First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
