shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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