have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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