so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
