she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
