I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
