I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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