in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I am one with the molecules
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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