She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
