I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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