Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
