if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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