She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
