Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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