I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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