I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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