Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Boobs are out for the taking
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
