If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
