oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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