I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
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I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
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The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.