I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
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She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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