waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
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I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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