Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
