47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
