he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
