Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
