Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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