I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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