She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
