Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She needs sedatives and a leash
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
