dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
