btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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