I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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