you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
