i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
