alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
