I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
