you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
