OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
