This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So vagazzling was a success
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
