i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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