What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
