I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
