He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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