Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
