Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
