Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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