my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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