Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
