i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
