Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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