I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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