I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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