So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
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Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
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You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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