By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
