glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
