I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think your dad took our porno
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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