I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
