i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
