dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
